In an earlier post “The Lonely Road” I briefly mentioned a girl that had freed me from a relationship I shouldn’t have been in. Simple put this girl changed the direction of my life and is ultimately responsible for the man I am today.
She has no idea about the effect our relationship had on me or even the impact the breakup had. This girl was someone I’d only ever dreamed about. Firstly, she was smoking hot and I mean hot. It wasn’t just the way she looked it was the way she held herself, the way she moved, the way she looked at you. This girl had a power and she knew it but never used it.
She was smart, opinionated, powerful and sexual. She knew what she wanted but more importantly she knew what she didn’t want. Her presence was invigorating, exciting and at times overbearing. She was an Alpha female.
But there was a dark side.
She’d been through a very troubled and disturbing childhood. At a young age her father was murdered, her mother had a mental illness and her future step father was an overbearing and aggressive control freak. Her teenage years turned her to drink and drugs which continue to this day. The loss of her father impacted her considerably but from the outside you would’ve never known. She always had a smile on her face and she was so strong even though she’d been through so much.
Our relationship started slowly, we met up in secret so our work colleagues wouldn’t find out and for 2 months no one knew, it became a little game to see how much we could get away with in work without people realising.
As sexual as she was and as attracted to her as I was it took almost 3 months for us to have sex. You’re probably thinking “3 months!!?” and yeah I agree to most people this would be too much but for some reason it just felt right. We had so much fun teasing each other and just spending time together that sex was never a priority.
The first six months were amazing. We spent every chance we got together, I introduced her to my passions and she introduced me to hers. We went to concerts for bands that we had grown up listening too and we partied hard every weekend.
I had ultimately entered a world that my mother told me to stay away from and enjoyed nights with the people you cross the street to avoid on a dark night. They weren’t scary or violent they were just troubled youths trying to find their way in life. We stayed up all night with drinks and drugs, I stepped into the hole they lived in and experienced their ups and downs and grew to love them all. Each one had a depth that I had never seen, each one had a story to tell.
It was the complete opposite to everything I had ever known. My previous relationship was spent cleaning the house and going to family dinners. This relationship was on another level.
But that’s where it started to come crashing down.
The first few months were exciting and completely new to me but over time the constant partying, alcohol and drugs started to wear me down. She would receive phone calls at 2am from friends at parties and she’d just get up and leave.
After a year it got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. The partying, the drink, the drugs were so far away from my true self I stopped wanting to be a part of it which resulted in her feeling bad for not being able to include me on her nights. Ultimately our differences, which initially brought us together, tore us apart.
One day she decided it was enough and as upset as I was, I knew breaking up was the right thing to do. She showed me an entirely new life and brought me out of the shell that I had been trapped in for so many years.
She encouraged me to want more with life and showed me how lucky I am to have what I have. She gave me confidence in myself and showed me that an average guy isn’t as average as they might think.